Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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