Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
