Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
