I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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