I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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