i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
