Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
