If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
one two three fourrrrnication!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
