I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
