i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
