I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
