half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
