I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We had sex on a dog bed..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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