Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
