It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
