anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
