TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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