He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
