I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
