I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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