4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
