A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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