I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
