how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
