I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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