Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
