dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
