Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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