i can't believe i had my finger in that
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
