I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
