your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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