happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
