Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
