Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
