he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
