so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
