its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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