Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
