Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
