ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
