I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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