I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
