i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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