i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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