Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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