Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
