He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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