I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
