i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
