You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
