the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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