There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
